Choices

As choices lift their faces and I catch sight of possibilities, my mind races ahead to define the magic of what I see. Unending options are full of energy and call the heart and soul to something greater. An excitement fills my heart as I catch sight of what might be. Hope blooms and destinies awaken. Life is rich when I am set in a place of freedom. I’m not bound, I’m not captive! I know I was never meant to be caged, it just became comfortable!

The lies of our broken, power twisting world also provides this same type of thrill in a heart rending fashion. I have again spent time in rural settings in the midst of poverty and desperation.  When options are distant and known experience so limited, deadly choices can appear so tantalizing. I am again impacted by young teenage women’s lives that flow into broken dreams. In poverty, life seems so full of conflict and our desperation suggests that we must flee. The still vibrant promise of love in a young heart can seem unstoppable until conquered by some older, more worn male whose interest is sexuality rather than heart intimacy.  Again, I have seen the awakening realization of a trap of misery and hungry children flowing from broken promises, that offered change and advancement only to be found to be empty offers of someone’s own broken effort to flee despair. The use of power as well as the currency of relationship for personal gain produces so much trauma in our world!

Choices, but so much wisdom seems ancient and irrelevant when youthful eyes seek solutions! Young men and women reaping hardened, cruel lives when all they hoped for was a way out.

I again feel the realities that flow in my own life these days. How do I share the wonder of choice which flows from true promise? How do open up my internal world so others can see a different way of being? A different way of seeing?

I am drawn back into my own experience. It is the only one I really know! My life is full of wonder and possibilities, so similar and yet so different from tragedy! It is the result of my continuing journey! A pursuit of choices that opened my hear to freedom, not anarchy but vital freedom. I know I am in the middle of presence that fills my circumstances. I see “breadcrumbs” of possibility everywhere!  It only takes a moment to hear the heart echo of destiny waiting to be awakened in someone’s heart. It doesn’t really take that much listening, to hear a song that swirls in the background of someone’s eyes. I know the Spirit of Jesus calls me into “being” with others.

I know when I look past this harshness of fear that I see choking so many, that I sense the electricity of the One who really is Love. I feel the Spirit’s brush. He dips His presence into paint and transforms the most darkened moments into glittering invitations. He is the dancer who moves in easy caress and joy. He wraps himself into my brightness and lifts an incandescence I cannot begin to put words to!! So I am learning to just be. To allow who I am to rest in transparency and the quiet of Life, of Goodness, of the unshakable confidence of wonder and destiny. It is contagious, if only I free myself to dance!!

The crazy thing is, – how can I remain still when He is dancing? And then, how can I run when His  tranquil contemplation of wonder, makes power cheap and laughter holy? How can I be so out of step in the midst of other’s pain and sorrow? How do I echo pain and triumph within my small beating heart? and yet I do! Other’s feel the call. Other’s are drawn to weep with hope in the midst of torn dreams because He has come near in the touch of one very small human being releasing a taste of heaven’s heart!!

Choices! We choose the soil in which they are planted.

Do I let “the dream” into my hope that always flows out of heaven’s offer – or – do I harden my heart to stay stifled within my known experience? Do I superficially allow the choice to enter my awareness, but never to penetrate to the depths of my hurting heart. The flow of life my destiny needs can only pour out of the fortress of my battered heart. If I embrace the choice externally, it ultimately shrivels up and dries, distant from the flow of passion it needs to draw from my heart. In the shelter of my protected heart, I will never know the flow of grace that jump starts all intimacy when He is invited in to refresh and revitalize.

Alternatively, I welcome the choice and openly pour my life’s passion and possibility into this new wonder. Unfortunately old loves and crazy busyness and can so easily swallow the small bit of vitality I have left at the end of a day and in time I find the choice is only a shrivelled unnatural reflection of what once could have been.

Choices! I choose the wonder of stepping in. Of leaping, when there is no reason other than that of knowing, that the One who holds my hand is so full of everything I yearn for. I feel the rumble of the heavens that shakes my being. Power is released when trust sings!  I hear music that defines me as something not earth bound! I know I am made for freedom. I know, I can see, I can taste that something rides on the wings of the wind and this reality is more spectacular than I could ever have imagined when I refused to dream for fear of  being wrong!!

Choices! I am embodied in relationships! I find life in others eyes. I meet Him when I see you and as a result, you make me sing! I catch your eyes and I am filled with wonder and awe for who you are becoming. I hear your heart song and I know that darkness dreads the release of the glorious wonder of who you were created to be! – and – so I smile! I find the adventure worth living. I delight in inviting others into wonder, into the creativity of who we are each meant to be.

I’m still on a journey! I know that brokenness will fall when I finally forgive myself for failing me and let Him pour all of His forgiving life into my heart.  So hard to release the judge and allow myself the freedom to just be in grace.  I really don’t have to manage anything, just choose. Choose Life, choose Love. It is about Intimacy, Destiny, Rest, Joy and Hope. I keep coming back to remind my self – One thing, One choice. Everything else flows from that one Love.

And I find Him captivating!!

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