On longing.

From my journals – summer 2016:

I grope somewhat dis-jointedly – and yet with perseverance – somehow I keep coming to a certainty that I know the “direction”!  I have tasted of You! When I brush You, I find You more than I could ever hope and long for. Something turns over in my heart. It is on such a deep level that I can not even frame it. Yet, it is foundational to my being. It forms the substance of my reality and in touching it – it shakes and resonates and resounds. I can’t even describe this location – it encompasses me! It stirs a deep yearning that is so vast that something within me quells to countenance it!

Yet, I am drawn in – even as my being scatters, unable to cope, to process that which I embrace. Even in the scattering there is a cry of loss – of longing to somehow to step in and remain – to abide. That place where my life is suspended, where eternity ravages existence and breath taking fountains erupt within impossible spaces which can not exist in my fragile frame.

So, I am still caught between what is and who You are. Knowing who I am has so much more substance than that which is. So I rest in Hope, I know whom I have believed in. I have tasted of a glory I can’t conceive. It is so beyond anything I can reach – yet, it continues to draw near – inviting me to “be”. Stillness exists within the Life which streams unseen and paints my future with colours and songs not known or described. Fullness stretches the limits of my narrow gaze – and so – I continue to be drawn in!

Author – Bill Tidsbury