I ache for Fire!! Yet, it is so easy to just live on the edge of presence. I seek a Fire that shakes and consumes my being. This is a Fire that opens heaven’s essence and releases a fragrance that is unknown here in my natural world. I know Jesus, that You come to me in a way that is unique and impossible to define when I approach you in fire!!
I do recognize that there is always an opportunity to live with purposes that are less ragged. This is ever so much more reasonable! There is always an invitation to settle in to something less violent. There is always a place of being that is full of good things, of rich things, of blessing and comfort yet situated just to the side of fire.
I look at these offerings. Clearly, much can be accomplished when situated beside a fire. I see many wonderful works that are providing encouragement and they sit just next to fire. On the one hand, I question the cry that rises like anguish in my being, if I sense the drift into a place were the vibrant power of fire is quieted. And on the other, when I feel the brush of Fire something mighty stirs in my spirit.
I wonder: Why is it so common to be at ease with little fire? Is there no anguish of heart? Are there no tears felt by those who sit on the edge?
I simply do not know!!
I do know that I cannot stop longing for more of something I have only tasted. I know that a Fire burns somewhere that is an answer to the shaking that at times buffets my spirit. I feel the cry of our broken world, the harshness of the violence unaffected by good and strategic movements. “Nicely organized” may perhaps work smoothly in a finely cultured place. However when poverty ravages and bloody hands grasp, something more is needed.
A fire must burn that turns our eyes into fountains of tears. A fire must burn that will not rest until the reality of presence is more than an idea spoken about in beautiful songs. A fire must consume me and not allow me live unless I see something arise. A Kingdom that is powerful and invites with hope, the bloody, guilty hand. A Kingdom that is gentle and lies in the ash heap with the wounded victim filled with horror. A Kingdom that will not rest until justice is established in this ravaged place that has the promise of so much beauty.
Yet the mystery remains, how do I let that Fire truly unsettle my life and bring transformation that is from heaven?
A Fire that brings joyous laughter in the midst of the rending sorrow of injustice. A Fire that opens Life in the midst of our torn up world. Not a Life that is full of platitudes and endless words, but, a Life that is full of vibrant electricity that delivers freedom, that opens cages, that grants men honour who have lived in dishonour. A Life that answers women’s yearning for Beauty and breaks the back of oppression.
I feel it raging within me, and I run again to you my King, my beautiful Spirit of Fire, to be undone before my Daddy God – whose presence alone causes the hills to melt, and say “I need You”. I need to be torn apart in a process that only you can accomplish, so that Fire might be released in me. I can not live without your Fire. I can not endure something that is simply “nice”.
I see so may who have come to terms with “nice”, with achievements, with evidence that change is happening. Yet there is no powerful transformation.There is a small lifeboat in the midst of a raging stormy sea. This storm is full of blood and travesty that continually visits broken lives.
We all know that there are millions wandering in pain and tremendous suffering. Millions dying daily. Our times are too dire for simply “nice” responses. The need is vast, much bigger than anyone of us can even conceive!! It truly is a need that requires a response that shifts the earth and brings great shaking. It can not be won by strategic thinking!! It can not be won by careful calculation.
I believe that it can only be won by those willing to pour out their lives, as laid down lovers. Asking nothing but that the Fire would somehow burn in the beauty of a tumult that is Love. Something pure, something just, something powerful and far from “nice”. Something that shakes our sense of personal greatness and allows us to give our lives away for the sake of the One – who is Jesus and who is most seen in the child crying before me or the marginalized person that I just stepped over.
And so I struggle seeking to learn a peace and stillness that creates a hearth for Fire. A life that allows a Love to blossom and flow in a way that supernaturally changes the elements in my world around me. All this, outside of my control, so I live “not knowing”, yet, hungry, pressing in for that which only You , my King can do if I but allow your Fire to be my Life!!
Author – Bill Tidsbury