Seeing yet believing

I walk the streets and see the needs, the rawness of despair. I wander through so many lives and hear their stories rare. I pause and listen to wounded hearts, that yearn for peace and more. I touch a hand that’s shrivelled up with pain and sores galore. I look and see the sweethearts laugh as sexuality blooms. I also see the flash of lust when flesh is grasped and laughter’s joy is overcome instead of loved. I hear the hardness and cutting edge of a woman who’s so abused, she’s willing to have whatever done and feel there is nothing to lose. I see a man embroiled in hate and anger- bitterness most raw. Yet he smiles and quietly submits while the thug struts toying with his fear. I see an owner envisioning things, with craft and yet despair. His work is lost through others graft and his family lies in despair.

I see that people are open to words of life,that speak of Hope and dreams that dare. I know that people can weep with ease when they know that someone is there and cares. I feel the fragments of people’s hearts, the pieces left strewn and torn. I see the bloodless wounds leak life as resignation’s curse gives birth. I cry from deep within my heart, I hurt with none to hear. I sense that need for grace released, but woe, it seems overtaken by force and spent.

I see structures intended to bring release, that lift up an anthem of praise. I see them left empty and soulless now that the service has played its course. The litter is gathered and winds blow along. The garbage is spilled by the edge of the way. And then, as always the meaningless rush of trucks and cars grinding refuse and mercy into streets and byways forlorn. In a broken land – most can not afford to care. Most hurry with eyes cast down. Most concentrate solely on what’s next today and hope that today’s curse will fall else where.

So I wander and drift through a small city’s maze, and ponder the fate of so many who lose. The miracle really is that people keep on, when all around them is disarray. It’s easy to see why they look for release. A moment in someone’s arms to escape. A flight of some fancy, the taste of some sweet, before once again jarring reality I meet.

What do I have to offer, today? I know I carry peace and my eyes speak of grace. I ponder the harshness of desperation’s plight, that can not hold out to sample hope that won’t suffice. There’s yearning for promise, there’s desire for more. But, please can’t you show me that it can blast open a door? How do I prove you? How do I share, the wonder of open heaven’s meeting earth’s darkened shores?

Still there is a whisper, still there is a taste. Moments arise of infinite grace. Sudden encounters, where hope turns to life. Miracles that happen, bringing instants of change. It may be a pain that is suddenly gone. Then there is the liberty of freedom when found. There’s the gasp of surprise and sometimes the awe, when physical bodies heal in an instant of power. Yet still the mystery continues to call. How do I humbly walk out a new call? How do I simply and graciously live, in transparency’s mercy and humility’s embrace?

I’m messy not perfect. I’m crazy yet boxed. I know all the answers and then I have none. I understand hopeless and then I hear more, I shake my head knowing I can’t even find the door! I think instead of feeling, I walk when I should run. I get bored when I’m lifeless and then I’m not fun. I want , yet often, I find I am not seeking. I read but my mind can be off somewhere else sleeping! Whenever I’m ready to give up and just quit, it’s then that you come and gently speak peace.

I find it doesn’t matter, if I live rich or poor. I find the big challenge is in my heart’s core. I want to hear truth, and not just hear the lies. I want to live joyful and not bent with sighs. I know there’s a reason to live in great Hope. I also know simply, that I run when I’m scared. I get caught in the tangle. I get confused by the roar, of pain and confusion that lies at my door.

So I waken this day, with a thirst to know more. I want to feel pain and sit unashamed. To reach out a hand and hold on to you so tight. When everything in me wants to run or just fight. I will not be silent. I will not give in. I will hold the door open and let some light in. I don’t have the answers. In fact I just encounter more – the questions and sorrows seem always to grow. I know something is blooming, I can feel it when still. It is stronger than death and sings beauty’s haunting score. It moves me, it shakes me, and I can not explain, but I know it is tied to your infinite grace.

So I continue to wander, I continue to see. I continue to look into eyes and believe. I care for the hurting. I hope with the hopeless. I hold hands with those who no longer feel nice. I listen and whisper life in the Name. Peace is my country, Hope’s in my core and Love is the blood that you’ve poured in my vein. This is the difference, this is the change that breaks out the violent and gives treasure your name.

Author – Bill Tidsbury

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2 thoughts on “Seeing yet believing

  1. Rob was moved by this thoughtful entry today, Bill, shared it with me. Very much like our feelings when we lived in the poor northeast of Brazil but we never tried to put it into words. Well done. May God continue to love his children through your life.

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