Storms

“What is rest?” I asked.

I heard no voice as my mind raced seeking answers!

“How do I still my mind?” I asked.

I had no peace as I wrestled to be still!

“How can I find peace?” I cried.

I found fear as my storm of despair raged wild!

Undone, I turned from deep within, to sense the storm I could not fight.

A voice said – “I am here! Peace – be still!”

Author – Bill Tidsbury

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Driving me

So many things can drive me!

Life is framed by choices made. Yet so often, the instant course corrections that meander through my day, occur without my conscious say! I had intended to grab a coffee but as I go, I meet a friend! We put our heads together and a tangent frames my day!

Now, what occurs behind my eyes, when in those moments I must choose, to stay within the plans I’d made, or shift and spend my time with you! It is within those swirling depths, that  impulse moves, or, shifts and lurks. What do I value? Am I truly free? Or, is a beast alive inside of me?

The pressures that do drive me, I am learning now to see. They often do surprise me with demands that are severe! If I am living unaware, they quickly overwhelm my sensibilities and I am moved to act by relics left behind by previous storms and eventualities. I then am left with ponderings in the middle of the night; regarding the many sorrows that partnered with my precious life this day.

So again I wake and make a firm resolve.  I want to hear Spirit’s whisper, that reminds me of fresh delight. I must remind my heart to pause upon this precipice of choice! This presence speaks a freedom for me from those dark masters in my night. I’m open once again – curious, eager – to dance within the storm and not simply run in anguish; driven to be forlorn.

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Something bigger

Am I confident? Do I know how all fits in my  scheme sublime? Do I order this life and control all my days?

  • To organize and structure things unexpected and new. So I arrange unpredictable and frame times so small.
  • To make lists and shift things so life moves in step.  So I  rest confident knowing I won’t drop the ball.
  • To be practical and focused with clear goals I achieve. My enemies are buried I can stand atop my wall.

Why don’t I feel? Why can’t I see?

As I’m troubled by mysteries that cry faintly in dreams.

 

Am I curious? Does wonder intrigue me? Do questions open vistas to crazy things unknown?

-To ponder regarding the colour of blue, that shines in the sky and fills me with light.

-To sense a small child all twinkly and bright, inquisitive with wonder, chuckling with delight.

-To float in the ocean, and sway in the surge, of forces unseen and vastness of might.

Where is my place? Who am I ?

As i sense something bigger that baffles my soul.

 

Am I here in this realm? Am I there so surreal? Does my mind capture essence when spirit lives aware?

  • To perceive with senses that thrum and seem jolted, that shift vision to places where only angels dare.
  • To be drawn in, to be loosened while frames disappear, so that words become formless and brightness is so much more than glare.
  • To be known and knowing within intimacy’s embrace and feel love’s explosion taken past time and this “where?”.

Why am safe? Why am I laughing?

As I live in awe loving eternity’s surprise!

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Ancient echoes

A man who falls and never rises is a man dead before his time. Pride really does come before a fall, and then a shattering encounter with frailty lashes us to die. So men wander spent and drunk, always dying, never dead. Caught between the living  hell of knowing and the oblivious death of stupor. Can hope ever live when faced with such a death?

A man swiftly sees a generous soul as a place to weep and wail; hoping for a small deposit to aid the journey down. Eyes that see in love, stop a hiding heart. Defences leap and distance quickly gains reprieve, while aching ears hear mercy and compassion’s hopeful song. Honour’s   call seems out of place. Can anything penetrate stupor’s haze?

Spirit’s song sings a deeper note than any drug can dare. Hidden treasures deep within hopeless castle’s depths stir to wakefulness. Ancient echoes of life’s full bloom, resonate within these dungeon corridors. A forgotten fragrance rises invading space and time as an ancient soul wakens up to life’s creative possibility. Can it be?

Tears pour down as memory’s journey opens wounds locked in silent agony. Hope comes uninvited to the fore. Struggle rumbles and whispers counter seditious lies that would hint life could once again be held as dear. In the balance, a future leaving legacy for dreams or the rapid slide to old oblivion. Who can win if one is weak?

Mysteries are part of darkness and this light. What seems dark can only be full of light if love’s transparency is loosed. Desperate cries that mumble unspoken grief rise before a fountain that so easily loosens deadly chains. Impossible is only found within the dark. Light plays wild and paints a dream of transformed joy. Can I believe?

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Life within me

Life within me , life around me, life that flows in endless ways. I am laughing, I am soaring, in this wonder quite divine. It astounds me, it confounds me, it sure sparkles up my days. I am vital, I dance slowly as I float away in praise!

Life is seeing, in your eyes the slow undoing of pain’s surprise. Life is being, in all my senses, captivating  beauty’s gaze. As I blossom and as I flourish, in the abundance of a kiss so sweet, I am settled in the knowing I am found and made complete !

Life exploding in its essence, it defines all things before. It is painting, and creating, such a story of renown. I can lift up hands that hang down, I can leap upon what’s dark. I am warring for the wonder of this love that’s made me spark.

Life within me, life around me, life that flows in  endless ways. I am settled in accepting, of this destiny engraved. I’m contagious, I”m spontaneous, and my journey has just begun. Now exploring the glorious notion of this unity profound.

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Facing the questions

As I meander in my journey, I am recognizing that all questions must be faced!

For example, the question – “Why do I crave something addictive?”- is at the root of many broken areas of life. Whether it is a chemical substance, an adrenaline rush or simply approval, if I do not find an answer, I will live in a shadow world – never realizing freedom. Always hiding, always struggling.

The challenge is to recognize those moments when the question comes bubbling up into my conscious mind as a gift of grace! The exact moment in time that it flows into my awareness is actually a moment primed for discovery! The moment has intruded in discomfort! It has grabbed my attention as circumstances have shone a spotlight on some aspect of my life that permits my eyes to see clearly, if only for a few minutes.

The questions when they float up into my thoughts, invite me to honesty. Each question asks me to face my fears and sorrows. Rejection, confusion, and intentional harm are part of life. Each event slices me open in many and varied ways. All of them unique, all of them painful! Generally I learn to run and hide, be angry, be busy, be dismissive, be arrogant, be strong, or be victimized. All of it, in a pattern of my own evolution.

The challenge is to let my journey teach me a courage that is grounded in hope. When I can not believe I really have a capacity greater than that which I have realized to date, I “have to” hide in fear. I can be so sure that I am on the brink of discovering my innate lack of significance! I will run away from this nightmare!

Yet, the journey also draws me into encounters that show me that I have purpose. It reveals unique attributes that no one else can quite exhibit – in the unique way I do. I find those others on the journey who delight in that uniqueness and find me quite refreshing – if I but have the courage to reveal myself and not merely be a mirror reflecting back the jumble of my bustling surroundings.

Each of us needs to find an answer to this question- “Who will look into my eyes and find me precious, or cherished, or loved?” I can be part of that answer! It does not take too much progress in the journey to discover that there is a spiritual reality that causes each one of us to sparkle in ways that makes me truly beautiful to any one who has eyes to see. Catch the sparkle – be the answer. Face the questions, find the answers! I have always been surprised by how many have been waiting to meet me! You will too!