What is my name?

A shining heart ignites a smile, when one look reminds a tender soul that they have never been forgotten.

I am built with the desire to be significant to you. I want to matter enough, to make a strong enough impression, that you remember my name. My name says you know who I am! I wasn’t just one of many in a crowd.

Nothing is so powerful, as the look of hunger and longing in a child’s face when you return to a place, as someone who in the past has spoken an encouraging word. Somehow, simple words and actions caused some spark of hope to blossom in the ravaged field of a  soul who has experienced much scarcity. The blazing furnace of longing rises in the eyes as they say “Do you remember my name?”

What spurs the leap of laughter and delight? What part of our being produces the surge of joy and the heat warming response of a fierce hug when “the” name flows out?

My tender heart, if left unwalled will always say I need you! My eyes will always look across the gulf that separates you and I.  These eyes will seek to find some link that penetrates behind the veil that mysteriously shuts us out from each other. When my soul and spirit touch that which is warm and bright within your being and I re-affirm the wonder that our two hearts have walked a lonely journey, we smile! Light glows. Sparkles dance. Music occurs and the mystery of belonging grows.

We feel the grace of our shared lives.  We know we are so different  – and yet – there is a flow that nourishes and refreshes. I sense that I am not alone. I am not forgotten. My identity, so tied to spirit, is created for this. I must belong together in communion. The thirst never goes away until together we find a way to live as beings who are intimately known.

So the unfolding blossom of a tender soul, leaps high within the rain of recognition that comes from my name remembered. I am known! I made an impact!

I am a being that is remembered – and I glow!

Author – Bill Tidsbury

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Journey’s insistent call

When I find my path is choked with things that threaten me with doom; when I step outside and sense my fear instead of  the wonder of the stars – that is when I seem to need a voice that sing’s of hope with hints of what ’s ahead.

Yet listening is so difficult when noise just fills the air. It’s so much easier to hear the roar of all the things that scare. I also find at times like these, I grip complacency’s despair, and not the quiet counsel that heartens me to dare.

I want to stay the same, it is so familiar with my souvenirs up on the shelf! The problem is that what I seek, are vistas from a mountain I haven’t even seen. I wish that mountain view would simply come to me. Instead, I find that I must trek to places now unknown.

The step that hurts is when I part with routines that were my friends. They sob and cry as I leave behind what separated me from what I dream.  Now, as I step into fields unknown, I find surprise arising – fresh joy!

The journey is a process that requires me to leave and then embrace the new that opens life to soar. I exchange my familiar for the beauty of vision found. I open wide to impossibilities that never could be dreamed – without my journey’s insistent call.

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Blind eyes

When living in the hills of Honduras, I know that steady rain drizzling down at night gives me very muddy water from the tap in the morning. Small things that shift my daily routines!

Tropical sun blazing as the morning unfolds, foretells that soon this day will shrivel my soul with heat.  Just one of the challenges that unfold in life as you drift closer to the equator.

It is interesting how our perception of natural things shift from one nation to another, or even one culture to another. Our realities vary!

Yet wounded feelings that flow from hasty words receive global recognition. They warn that I have apologies to make so as to guard what is precious. These crucial decisions must flow from a love for which we all long.

Then there are angry words that accuse and kill. These assaults violate trust and assail every soul. It still amazes me how fear incites all humanity to take death’s scythe to bed with them!

Why is it so easy to forecast consequences in our natural world and yet live with blind eyes in regard to that which binds us into the wonder of belonging?

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Storms

“What is rest?” I asked.

I heard no voice as my mind raced seeking answers!

“How do I still my mind?” I asked.

I had no peace as I wrestled to be still!

“How can I find peace?” I cried.

I found fear as my storm of despair raged wild!

Undone, I turned from deep within, to sense the storm I could not fight.

A voice said – “I am here! Peace – be still!”

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Driving me

So many things can drive me!

Life is framed by choices made. Yet so often, the instant course corrections that meander through my day, occur without my conscious say! I had intended to grab a coffee but as I go, I meet a friend! We put our heads together and a tangent frames my day!

Now, what occurs behind my eyes, when in those moments I must choose, to stay within the plans I’d made, or shift and spend my time with you! It is within those swirling depths, that  impulse moves, or, shifts and lurks. What do I value? Am I truly free? Or, is a beast alive inside of me?

The pressures that do drive me, I am learning now to see. They often do surprise me with demands that are severe! If I am living unaware, they quickly overwhelm my sensibilities and I am moved to act by relics left behind by previous storms and eventualities. I then am left with ponderings in the middle of the night; regarding the many sorrows that partnered with my precious life this day.

So again I wake and make a firm resolve.  I want to hear Spirit’s whisper, that reminds me of fresh delight. I must remind my heart to pause upon this precipice of choice! This presence speaks a freedom for me from those dark masters in my night. I’m open once again – curious, eager – to dance within the storm and not simply run in anguish; driven to be forlorn.

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Something bigger

Am I confident? Do I know how all fits in my  scheme sublime? Do I order this life and control all my days?

  • To organize and structure things unexpected and new. So I arrange unpredictable and frame times so small.
  • To make lists and shift things so life moves in step.  So I  rest confident knowing I won’t drop the ball.
  • To be practical and focused with clear goals I achieve. My enemies are buried I can stand atop my wall.

Why don’t I feel? Why can’t I see?

As I’m troubled by mysteries that cry faintly in dreams.

 

Am I curious? Does wonder intrigue me? Do questions open vistas to crazy things unknown?

-To ponder regarding the colour of blue, that shines in the sky and fills me with light.

-To sense a small child all twinkly and bright, inquisitive with wonder, chuckling with delight.

-To float in the ocean, and sway in the surge, of forces unseen and vastness of might.

Where is my place? Who am I ?

As i sense something bigger that baffles my soul.

 

Am I here in this realm? Am I there so surreal? Does my mind capture essence when spirit lives aware?

  • To perceive with senses that thrum and seem jolted, that shift vision to places where only angels dare.
  • To be drawn in, to be loosened while frames disappear, so that words become formless and brightness is so much more than glare.
  • To be known and knowing within intimacy’s embrace and feel love’s explosion taken past time and this “where?”.

Why am safe? Why am I laughing?

As I live in awe loving eternity’s surprise!

Author – Bill Tidsbury