To step in deep

Courage makes its home inside my head.

I never marked it’s moving in.

But one day in the silence of forgotten words,

I felt it waken and as warriors do,

with purpose and determination bright.

The stance it took tore foundations loose.

I sensed a majestic part of me

step out into the room and say-

“I feel the storm – I’ve come to shield!”

 

Desperation breathes so fierce.

I can hear its sibilant whisper

in the tumult of hard fought life.

The grinding echoes of despair

find resonance in chambers torn and bare.

The hammer blows that dash all hope,

come swiftly with intent to maim.

It chokes a child’s greatest dream

and snarls – “What made you think you could?”

 

Compassion bleeds but never dies.

It’s weird to see when you are standing by!

The heart that bleeds for those who ache,

receives an infinite supply of grace.

To step in deep, is to risk it all.

Yet in this love you are embraced.

The healing presence of hope’s kiss,

brings life to all who awake to this-

“ You are all I ever have dreamed!”

Author – Bill Tidsbury

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When I am seen

When I am seen as the one who is “different”,

I am called to shine –

the light of perspective that sees what others can’t; the hope that all can be unique!

When I am envied as the one who is “beautiful”,

I am called to weep –

For the one who has never been affirmed; who has never been sought after.

When I am fawned over as the one who is “richer”

I am called to love –

the one who is orphaned; the one who feels robbed of life’s opportunity.

When I am pushed aside as the one who is “poorer” –

I am called to give –

to the one who has lost their heart; to the powerful – who still longs for intimacy.

When I am mocked as the one who is “naive”,

I am called to laugh-

in the joy of innocence; in the wonder of freshness; in the blessing of hope!

When I am minimized as the one who is “broken”,

I am called to courage –

in the surety of process; in the freedom of healing; in the hope of grace.

When I am vibrant in the reality of who I am in the moment,

I am called to “be” –

with the one who is richer or poorer, different or beautiful, naive or “broken”,

 

and as “us” -celebrate the gift of Life.

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Daring to live

One man lies , another man dies, fear’s breaking of trust’s fine thread.

A lie leaps from panic, it’s promise to hide, as deadly as ocean’s riptide.

 

A woman weeps and a man just sleeps, sampling their pain as they run.

We seek some release, while choked by despair, dying as we bounce downstairs.

 

A mother awakes, a baby partakes – its part of life without sleep!

A sacrifice lived, a love framed in flesh, breathes sparks that friends can nourish.

 

A boy lifts a hand, a girl takes a stand, it’s courage that makes us aware.

We feel the heroic, the craziness flowing, when hope sees love’s eyes glowing!

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Facing the questions

As I meander in my journey, I am recognizing that all questions must be faced!

For example, the question – “Why do I crave something addictive?”- is at the root of many broken areas of life. Whether it is a chemical substance, an adrenaline rush or simply approval, if I do not find an answer, I will live in a shadow world – never realizing freedom. Always hiding, always struggling.

The challenge is to recognize those moments when the question comes bubbling up into my conscious mind as a gift of grace! The exact moment in time that it flows into my awareness is actually a moment primed for discovery! The moment has intruded in discomfort! It has grabbed my attention as circumstances have shone a spotlight on some aspect of my life that permits my eyes to see clearly, if only for a few minutes.

The questions when they float up into my thoughts, invite me to honesty. Each question asks me to face my fears and sorrows. Rejection, confusion, and intentional harm are part of life. Each event slices me open in many and varied ways. All of them unique, all of them painful! Generally I learn to run and hide, be angry, be busy, be dismissive, be arrogant, be strong, or be victimized. All of it, in a pattern of my own evolution.

The challenge is to let my journey teach me a courage that is grounded in hope. When I can not believe I really have a capacity greater than that which I have realized to date, I “have to” hide in fear. I can be so sure that I am on the brink of discovering my innate lack of significance! I will run away from this nightmare!

Yet, the journey also draws me into encounters that show me that I have purpose. It reveals unique attributes that no one else can quite exhibit – in the unique way I do. I find those others on the journey who delight in that uniqueness and find me quite refreshing – if I but have the courage to reveal myself and not merely be a mirror reflecting back the jumble of my bustling surroundings.

Each of us needs to find an answer to this question- “Who will look into my eyes and find me precious, or cherished, or loved?” I can be part of that answer! It does not take too much progress in the journey to discover that there is a spiritual reality that causes each one of us to sparkle in ways that makes me truly beautiful to any one who has eyes to see. Catch the sparkle – be the answer. Face the questions, find the answers! I have always been surprised by how many have been waiting to meet me! You will too!

Living in mystery

Mystery is without.

Unseen yet felt, a hint that breathes a fragrance of possibility. Unknown, yet hauntingly familiar, this tendril calls each one forward. It is an echo of a song that is new, and so I ponder – how can I hope for something that I have not yet known? Yet I do!

Stirrings, that hint of things that are shaking. Imponderables that move with a precision which I can’t define! Force that quiets my heart and yet makes it beat wildly. It clearly is an invitation to each one who has any sense of imagination. Questions in the night!

Sleeping, yet on the verge of wakefulness. Images cascade and grand visions speak portents of destiny – which slowly fade as I awake. Disturbance quivers on the surface of my soul as if brushed by a touch of electricity. I seek, yet I cannot speak!

Confidence – courage leaping as if a trout out of water; explosive in it’s expression! Where did that come from? Out of the depths, unusual images that impinge on mundane circumstances. Familiarity shifts, momentary fractals appear in my reality. Why now?

A greater reality sits behind. I run and yet I hope I am found! Purpose chases me and I myself seek answers to enigmas within my being. Fountains hint at vitality that should be, but somehow fades! The mystique of an essence trapped within yet waiting to kiss my future.

Mystery is within.

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Leaping anew!

Where ? How? in this New Year??

Dancing comes to mind – I keep getting pictures of dancing. It is a movement that flows, that is tied to music and rhythm. It is designed to be with a partner/s. It is attractive to others and is an expression of beauty.

Fire is always in my mind. Fire of passion, of intimacy, of freedom’s home. A fire that doesn’t harm or destroy. A fire that is bright and full of light and invitation.

There is also intimacy – face to face transparency that nurtures love and true community. A connectedness that can enjoy silence and yet is exuberantly contagious with joy and laughter. This is an intimacy that heals!

Then I am reminded of courage. Courage is needed to step beyond that which I  know, to believe in the possible of what I long for. I need courage to risk shifting relationships to be wind rather than anchored stones.

Most of all there is the impossible overwhelming incandescence of presence! That is intolerable and yet so full of grace and fulfilment that Life can not be truly tasted apart from it. Presence that goes beyond the finite bounds of my being to explore the reaches of a Lover who experiences no limits in creativity and uniqueness. Who is always “now” and always sure that beauty longs to be released!

This “Presence” lifts a call to a Life outside of “normal”, to a place that suspends disbelief and shakes everything around me.

So I  must run – with eyes wide open and laughter in my soul. Caught in a destiny that I can’t begin to comprehend but sure that what ever lies ahead, it can only be more full of the One I love – and inextricably linked to you – the others I encounter in my moments each day!

Author – Bill Tidsbury