Life within me

Life within me , life around me, life that flows in endless ways. I am laughing, I am soaring, in this wonder quite divine. It astounds me, it confounds me, it sure sparkles up my days. I am vital, I dance slowly as I float away in praise!

Life is seeing, in your eyes the slow undoing of pain’s surprise. Life is being, in all my senses, captivating  beauty’s gaze. As I blossom and as I flourish, in the abundance of a kiss so sweet, I am settled in the knowing I am found and made complete !

Life exploding in its essence, it defines all things before. It is painting, and creating, such a story of renown. I can lift up hands that hang down, I can leap upon what’s dark. I am warring for the wonder of this love that’s made me spark.

Life within me, life around me, life that flows in  endless ways. I am settled in accepting, of this destiny engraved. I’m contagious, I”m spontaneous, and my journey has just begun. Now exploring the glorious notion of this unity profound.

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Facing the questions

As I meander in my journey, I am recognizing that all questions must be faced!

For example, the question – “Why do I crave something addictive?”- is at the root of many broken areas of life. Whether it is a chemical substance, an adrenaline rush or simply approval, if I do not find an answer, I will live in a shadow world – never realizing freedom. Always hiding, always struggling.

The challenge is to recognize those moments when the question comes bubbling up into my conscious mind as a gift of grace! The exact moment in time that it flows into my awareness is actually a moment primed for discovery! The moment has intruded in discomfort! It has grabbed my attention as circumstances have shone a spotlight on some aspect of my life that permits my eyes to see clearly, if only for a few minutes.

The questions when they float up into my thoughts, invite me to honesty. Each question asks me to face my fears and sorrows. Rejection, confusion, and intentional harm are part of life. Each event slices me open in many and varied ways. All of them unique, all of them painful! Generally I learn to run and hide, be angry, be busy, be dismissive, be arrogant, be strong, or be victimized. All of it, in a pattern of my own evolution.

The challenge is to let my journey teach me a courage that is grounded in hope. When I can not believe I really have a capacity greater than that which I have realized to date, I “have to” hide in fear. I can be so sure that I am on the brink of discovering my innate lack of significance! I will run away from this nightmare!

Yet, the journey also draws me into encounters that show me that I have purpose. It reveals unique attributes that no one else can quite exhibit – in the unique way I do. I find those others on the journey who delight in that uniqueness and find me quite refreshing – if I but have the courage to reveal myself and not merely be a mirror reflecting back the jumble of my bustling surroundings.

Each of us needs to find an answer to this question- “Who will look into my eyes and find me precious, or cherished, or loved?” I can be part of that answer! It does not take too much progress in the journey to discover that there is a spiritual reality that causes each one of us to sparkle in ways that makes me truly beautiful to any one who has eyes to see. Catch the sparkle – be the answer. Face the questions, find the answers! I have always been surprised by how many have been waiting to meet me! You will too!

Weeping

Desperation,

the sound of a woman

weeping,

caught between hunger

and the fear of what comes.

When poverty chokes

and there is no hope-

who do you turn to

for help that ends pain?

 

Choices,

I’m sleeping

with someone who grants food

to my little baby,

and shelter from rain.

When love is a phantom

and pain is my friend,

how can I dream

of innocence so clean?

 

Grasping,

I’m reaching to touch.

Feeling,

even one ounce of love.

Haunted, thirst is profound.

Why can’t you see?

Why won’t you help?

Why does my role play

not reach to your heart?

 

Peace,

shares my weeping.

Embrace,

wraps my heart.

Presence breathes – “I belong”.

Moments so precious,

seem easily lost.

Why can’t the world just stop?

 

Change,

comes with longing.

Life,

breathes in grace

as I shift how I see.

What keeps me hoping?

How will I laugh?

When will my spirit

sense home is my friend?

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Free to be with me

Life – can feel so drab and faded as my heartbreak mourns. I know I am made for something bright and clear! I’ve heard the sound of glorious music. I’ve felt the distant drums. Something thrums and stirs when Life seems withered – so bare upon the floor.

Visions – call from deep within. Light erupts with splendour unannounced.  This intrusion of colour and joy’s crescendo awakes my soul. Grasping my imagination’s screen I suddenly see beyond that which had me bound. I know I’m so alive when I see what really could be me!

Beauty – a caress that’s so evocative, yet quite ethereal, comes gently to embrace my heart. Something springs awake that really once was dead! I know I cannot help but be enchanted as I dance upon my feet, that until  today, only knew this dusty clay.

Desire – that which pulls me into, the song that sweetly marries that which roils within my being. I’ve awakened to the lie I thought so true. I’m something more than flesh and bone! I live to recreate the wonder of a world newborn upon this darkened plain.

Vitality – that which joins Life with beauty and desire. The wine of heaven breathing into this expanse, releases fragrance sweet and light, transforming bitter loss and grinding pain. I am renewed, I see that joy is always in my hand if I but set You free to be with me!

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Day’s heat

Heat beats down, scorching earth below.

Who would believe that shadows bring such relief?

Sweat trickles slowly down my spine.

Hazy heat wraps me like a shroud.

 

Walking shifts the scene as time slows down.

Many choose to stroll, wiser to the pace of life.

Distance comes towards me through the humid haze.

Trees are such a breath of life to me these days.

 

People here seem quick to smile, eager eyes are seeking peace.

Hearts aren’t frigid, just seeking life, hoping still – in spite of strife.

Lazy conversations flow; laughter flows like sun warmed air.

Breezes stirring, so now must break, this stifling vice of oven heat.

 

Time is gentle, when you stop and see. Life is meeting you and me.

Day’s song builds and then it fades, as night caresses ocean’s breeze.

To adapt to all our phases, never running when its better walked.

Holding hands, slowly learning, dancing through this life we brave.

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Living in mystery

Mystery is without.

Unseen yet felt, a hint that breathes a fragrance of possibility. Unknown, yet hauntingly familiar, this tendril calls each one forward. It is an echo of a song that is new, and so I ponder – how can I hope for something that I have not yet known? Yet I do!

Stirrings, that hint of things that are shaking. Imponderables that move with a precision which I can’t define! Force that quiets my heart and yet makes it beat wildly. It clearly is an invitation to each one who has any sense of imagination. Questions in the night!

Sleeping, yet on the verge of wakefulness. Images cascade and grand visions speak portents of destiny – which slowly fade as I awake. Disturbance quivers on the surface of my soul as if brushed by a touch of electricity. I seek, yet I cannot speak!

Confidence – courage leaping as if a trout out of water; explosive in it’s expression! Where did that come from? Out of the depths, unusual images that impinge on mundane circumstances. Familiarity shifts, momentary fractals appear in my reality. Why now?

A greater reality sits behind. I run and yet I hope I am found! Purpose chases me and I myself seek answers to enigmas within my being. Fountains hint at vitality that should be, but somehow fades! The mystique of an essence trapped within yet waiting to kiss my future.

Mystery is within.

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Transitions

Every time I move across a cultural divide, I am shocked by the adjustment I have to make. Since I am repeatedly traveling back and forth between Canada and Honduras, I would think I would get used to it! Yet, I still find it a surprising shift.

I find I am comfortable in both cultures. I just live with different priorities and perspectives in each one! When I settle into Latin America, I slow down. I open up my being – to people’s eyes and hearts. People are expressive and willing to meet me with open eyes. I must unlearn my more guarded instincts that come from the busyness of our first world approach to life. I leave behind the guarded expectation of distrust and find I must actually step out into the embrace of people who are more willing to smile, to acknowledge lack and need, to give a warm embrace and a kiss on the cheek.

Vulnerability is a tDSCN1906reasure that we have exploited in our western agenda driven world. Vulnerability is valued in a different way in other cultures. All people guard themselves – it is part of human instinct. We have all been injured – in fact, repeatedly through life. Latin culture with it’s focus on emotional expression, gives people a deeper instinctive set of tools to read and mesh with those who live transparently and offer safety to a wounded heart. This set of tools is a gift to those who learn to walk in vulnerability through a broken world. I have much to learn from this culture!
So i find myself shifting gears. I find my antenna tuned differently. I find my heart engaging in a different way with my spirit. A fresh breath reaches out to caress my soul. I quiet myself to a new round of learning.

Author – Bill Tidsbury