Facing the questions

As I meander in my journey, I am recognizing that all questions must be faced!

For example, the question – “Why do I crave something addictive?”- is at the root of many broken areas of life. Whether it is a chemical substance, an adrenaline rush or simply approval, if I do not find an answer, I will live in a shadow world – never realizing freedom. Always hiding, always struggling.

The challenge is to recognize those moments when the question comes bubbling up into my conscious mind as a gift of grace! The exact moment in time that it flows into my awareness is actually a moment primed for discovery! The moment has intruded in discomfort! It has grabbed my attention as circumstances have shone a spotlight on some aspect of my life that permits my eyes to see clearly, if only for a few minutes.

The questions when they float up into my thoughts, invite me to honesty. Each question asks me to face my fears and sorrows. Rejection, confusion, and intentional harm are part of life. Each event slices me open in many and varied ways. All of them unique, all of them painful! Generally I learn to run and hide, be angry, be busy, be dismissive, be arrogant, be strong, or be victimized. All of it, in a pattern of my own evolution.

The challenge is to let my journey teach me a courage that is grounded in hope. When I can not believe I really have a capacity greater than that which I have realized to date, I “have to” hide in fear. I can be so sure that I am on the brink of discovering my innate lack of significance! I will run away from this nightmare!

Yet, the journey also draws me into encounters that show me that I have purpose. It reveals unique attributes that no one else can quite exhibit – in the unique way I do. I find those others on the journey who delight in that uniqueness and find me quite refreshing – if I but have the courage to reveal myself and not merely be a mirror reflecting back the jumble of my bustling surroundings.

Each of us needs to find an answer to this question- “Who will look into my eyes and find me precious, or cherished, or loved?” I can be part of that answer! It does not take too much progress in the journey to discover that there is a spiritual reality that causes each one of us to sparkle in ways that makes me truly beautiful to any one who has eyes to see. Catch the sparkle – be the answer. Face the questions, find the answers! I have always been surprised by how many have been waiting to meet me! You will too!

Weeping

Desperation,

the sound of a woman

weeping,

caught between hunger

and the fear of what comes.

When poverty chokes

and there is no hope-

who do you turn to

for help that ends pain?

 

Choices,

I’m sleeping

with someone who grants food

to my little baby,

and shelter from rain.

When love is a phantom

and pain is my friend,

how can I dream

of innocence so clean?

 

Grasping,

I’m reaching to touch.

Feeling,

even one ounce of love.

Haunted, thirst is profound.

Why can’t you see?

Why won’t you help?

Why does my role play

not reach to your heart?

 

Peace,

shares my weeping.

Embrace,

wraps my heart.

Presence breathes – “I belong”.

Moments so precious,

seem easily lost.

Why can’t the world just stop?

 

Change,

comes with longing.

Life,

breathes in grace

as I shift how I see.

What keeps me hoping?

How will I laugh?

When will my spirit

sense home is my friend?

Author – Bill Tidsbury

A different “you”

What’s in your face when you first look at me?

Why do your eyes stop? Why do you stare!

Is it because I have skin that’s so white?

Or possibly it’s just the fact that I look bright?

 

In mystery’s humility I struggle to live.

It seems contradiction to receive, when I long to give!

Yet watching your face as you give of your self,

I’m humbled and honoured to catch glimpses of grace!

 

Why do My eyes seem to meet yours with such trust?

What  do I catch when that bright smile appears?

Why does your soul seem to leap, then shed tears,

when hope turns to quicken what was lying there dead?

 

“Can I help you,” seems so much easier to say,

than, “here I come seeking advice if you may!”

Yet help, when you offer, grants me blessing and grace.

I feel so  thankful, you walk away in amaze!

 

How do I see past the fear in your eyes?

When can an act, speak peace that abides?

What can I bring, that’s a gift not a bribe,

to open the future and let your kids be alive?

 

In giving, you strengthen your heart to endure.

In receiving, I give your dignity a floor.

You step up, you grow wings, and suddenly show,

Your capable, bigger, than that “you” from before!

Author  – Bill Tidsbury

Journey – Hazy days

This journey lies before me.

Another day – haze in the distance.

I can not see the mystery,

only dusty ground before me.

Courage – to begin again.

It’s hard to step when I can’t see!

 

This familiar voice, wraps me close.

Such tender tones invite.

Comfort of an old song.

Trembles shake the ground below.

Is it not better to go quietly.

To settle into death’s embrace?

 

This fire that burns within.

Answers my song that swells – hauntingly.

Why does life so call while I still hurt?

Beauty is something deep within.

Echoes! Resonance weaves a carerss.

Someone won’t let me go!

 

This step grinds the dust explosively.

Light erupts from broken foundations.

Journey’s way was formed within a dance!

Rhythm in life opens possibility.

Listening is harder than endless cries.

Whose whisper is so electrifying?

 

This process  just won’t let me go!

The irritating reality of a joy that bubbles up.

Why am I smiling when I should sit and weep?

I’m invaded by Hope; my dance’s surprise.

Goodness flows when I’m in your arms.

Fresh winds clear the haze. I see!

 

This journey, my breathtaking release.

Soaring begins with clarity.

Destiny’s imagination  catalyzes me!

Dusty pathways bloom when it rains.

Colours blossom, creativity is contagious.

Your Life satiates my senses with wonder.

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Living in mystery

Mystery is without.

Unseen yet felt, a hint that breathes a fragrance of possibility. Unknown, yet hauntingly familiar, this tendril calls each one forward. It is an echo of a song that is new, and so I ponder – how can I hope for something that I have not yet known? Yet I do!

Stirrings, that hint of things that are shaking. Imponderables that move with a precision which I can’t define! Force that quiets my heart and yet makes it beat wildly. It clearly is an invitation to each one who has any sense of imagination. Questions in the night!

Sleeping, yet on the verge of wakefulness. Images cascade and grand visions speak portents of destiny – which slowly fade as I awake. Disturbance quivers on the surface of my soul as if brushed by a touch of electricity. I seek, yet I cannot speak!

Confidence – courage leaping as if a trout out of water; explosive in it’s expression! Where did that come from? Out of the depths, unusual images that impinge on mundane circumstances. Familiarity shifts, momentary fractals appear in my reality. Why now?

A greater reality sits behind. I run and yet I hope I am found! Purpose chases me and I myself seek answers to enigmas within my being. Fountains hint at vitality that should be, but somehow fades! The mystique of an essence trapped within yet waiting to kiss my future.

Mystery is within.

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Small ones

Child’s view, shifts the world,

Small delights bring eyes that glow.

Hearts that sing,creating portals,

Adoring eyes shine through my soul.

 

Frustration’s shriek can pierce the wonder-

-learning that my will can’t force;

My playful brother’s not soft putty,

in my grand imaginations show!

Eyes that weep with little bruises,

it’s the bumps that startle the heart.

Comfort needed, embrace accepted,

memories bound – we’re not apart!

 

Sudden fear as buzzing critters,

swiftly intercept creative play,

Rescuers are so heroic,

when the wind drives wasps away.

Soon forgotten through giggles freedom,

Life continues in happy song.

Curious questions, open insight,

In a journey just newly sprung.

 

Resting, hoping, safe and grateful,

Love’s abode is future’s dream.

Child’s trust loosens my hearts fountain,

treasuring small ones crazy memes!

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Strong yet quaking

to expect, to hope, to be, to see.

i lose this all when I seem to freeze.

What “is” just seems to fade,

what “will be” then seems to rage.

Alone, uncertain – what i need is you!

Strong arms, quiet comfort,

feeling ease in spite of noise.

I know, I’m strong, that is so true;

Still here i quake!

What went wrong?

Where’s is the knave betrayal’s face has shamed?

Still in the silence,

once again I hear a song.

The song that swings my heart aloft;

that breaks again horizon’s line.

I’m free! Together with you – I am me!

To be, to see, I expect in hope.

Author – Bill Tidsbury