Driving me

So many things can drive me!

Life is framed by choices made. Yet so often, the instant course corrections that meander through my day, occur without my conscious say! I had intended to grab a coffee but as I go, I meet a friend! We put our heads together and a tangent frames my day!

Now, what occurs behind my eyes, when in those moments I must choose, to stay within the plans I’d made, or shift and spend my time with you! It is within those swirling depths, that  impulse moves, or, shifts and lurks. What do I value? Am I truly free? Or, is a beast alive inside of me?

The pressures that do drive me, I am learning now to see. They often do surprise me with demands that are severe! If I am living unaware, they quickly overwhelm my sensibilities and I am moved to act by relics left behind by previous storms and eventualities. I then am left with ponderings in the middle of the night; regarding the many sorrows that partnered with my precious life this day.

So again I wake and make a firm resolve.  I want to hear Spirit’s whisper, that reminds me of fresh delight. I must remind my heart to pause upon this precipice of choice! This presence speaks a freedom for me from those dark masters in my night. I’m open once again – curious, eager – to dance within the storm and not simply run in anguish; driven to be forlorn.

Author – Bill Tidsbury

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I see anew

Different ways of being,

perceptions shift and change.

What seems so natural to me,

is strange and cumbersome

when another dances with me.

 

Actions bring reactions,

irritations loom quite large.

I can not seem to grasp –

your thinking is deranged!

I hide – I’ve met a beast outside!

 

My  mind so quickly ciphers,

that your seeking  to abuse.

So my best protection’s

to avoid the strange in you

and so be safe – secure, alone!

 

Yet then I see within you,

an innocence divine!

You truly are releasing,

a strange shift in my pride.

I see again – but what surprise!

 

Curiosity finds an answer,

when I listen to your sighs.

You really are creating,

a harmonious ensemble

to my perfect enterprise!

 

Mental mindsets box me,

within simplistic jails.

So easy just to ridicule,

your tune which I can’t hear.

Until unchained, I hear anew!

Author – Bill Tidsbury

Spirituality and Presence

The essence of my reality, as I walk through life, is that I have been granted the astounding grace of being united with a human being named Jesus.  The inexplicable process of how the almighty creator became human is not something I understand. It is equally inconceivable how it is that He has chosen to draw me deep into His heart, into His reality.

I live with my feet in two worlds. One is essentially 3 dimensional and in many ways overpowering to my senses. The other is spiritual, which sounds ethereal, and yet is not. It’s substance continuously expands my awareness of what’s possible and shifts my comprehension of seeing.

As I feel heart pain and struggle and see the devastation of poverty, I do find it easy to begin to shut down – to distance myself in some way from the inhumanity of powerless poverty. Yet, I also find something surging in me as I learn to see differently. I sense the immensity of a superseding reality of a good Daddy God who actually is eager to intervene in the misery which I see. Eager to see through my eyes. He is intensely passionate about expressing Himself through my hands, through my words.

It is one thing to imagine some deity actually interested in my small interactions – it is another thing to sense power flow, to see change occur, to observe real physical miracles occur. I can sense when it happens! It isn’t about my capacity. It isn’t about the way I set my mouth or frame my words. It is tied in some yet unknown way, to my internal connection to that other world and the reality that I actually can see out of His reality into mine. When that occurs, I sense the shift in perception. I sense a shift in my internal balancing of these immense realities. I shift from hoping , to one of knowing. A certainty that flows from out side of myself and breathes anticipation and vitality!

I’m on a journey, as we all are, to understand the nature of our world. A journey to comprehend the realities of both spirit and natural. It is a journey of growth, of development. It is a journey inherently dependent on humility, on compassion, on transparency and vulnerability. All of these things do not come easily to me!

Somehow, something is morphing within my being. I am more comfortable with mystery. I am more accepting of the reality that I can’t control very much and I am prone to mistakes. I am easily confused and distracted! And yet, I am pulled in with ever increasing excitement as I taste something that is truly breath taking. Something freeing and extravagant. Something so good, I laugh every time I am brushed by His essence.

So gradually, I am learning to rest – to dwell – in quiet acceptance of the beauty of being drawn close to a mighty heart that breathes love, gentleness, compassion, goodness, laughter and creativity. A heart that is ever so eager to freely act to lighten people’s loads, with no prior requirements of any kind! A heart that is truly delightful in all its effervescence. A being that is powerful beyond comprehension, yet sits quietly as I adjust myself to the beauty of being found in Him.

Life is good. Life is rich. Life is so freeing! So I live in hope and yearn for more of the fire of His reality!!

Author – Bill Tidsbury